Why You Can’t Find Your Purpose When You Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore

There are seasons in life when the ground quietly shifts under your feet. Perhaps nothing dramatic happens on the outside (or maybe it has), yet something inside begins to feel out of place. You notice it in small ways at first. You look at your calendar and feel strangely disconnected from the commitments you once said yes to. You move through your day but feel a hollowness you can’t quite explain. Your life may look fine (maybe even great) from the outside, yet it no longer feels like it belongs to the person you have become… and who you are becoming.

This is usually the moment when people begin searching for purpose. They assume they need a new direction, a clearer mission, or a reinvigorated sense of passion. What is actually happening is something far more foundational. They are in an identity transition, and purpose is almost impossible to access when you can’t hear yourself clearly.

The in-between space where your old identity has loosened and your new identity has not yet taken form is uncomfortable. It can feel disorienting and uncertain, especially for people who are used to being competent, decisive, and capable. Yet this liminal space is also where deep clarity takes root. It is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It is a sign that something in you is reorganizing.

Purpose begins with identity. It is difficult to understand what you want to contribute, experience, or create when you are not sure who is doing the choosing. Purpose is not an idea you select or a role you adopt. It is something that emerges from the inside when your identity, values, and desires are clear enough for you to recognize them.

When your inner world feels foggy, it is usually because something in your life has shifted. Sometimes it is a transition, such as a change in relationships, health, work, or caregiving roles. Other times it is the cumulative pressure of long-term stress, burnout, or the weight of expectations. Many high-achieving people realize they built a life that made sense at one stage but no longer reflects who they are becoming. When that happens, the sense of “I don’t know who I am anymore” is not a crisis. It is information.

Your nervous system plays a larger role in this than most people realize. When you are overwhelmed or stretched thin, your mind naturally narrows its focus to what feels urgent or familiar. You lose easy access to intuition, creativity, and the quieter internal signals that help you sense what feels meaningful. From this state, it is incredibly hard to make decisions about purpose or future direction because your system is trying to stabilize, not vision.

Nothing is wrong with you when this happens. Your body is protecting you. But it does mean that purpose will feel out of reach until you have enough internal steadiness to widen your attention again. Nervous system regulation restores access to the parts of you that can sense purpose.

Before anyone can articulate what their purpose might be, they have to reconnect with who they are. This process rarely happens in one dramatic moment. It comes through honest questions that bring your attention back to what matters. 

• You begin to notice what feels alive and what feels draining.
• You revisit your values with the understanding that they may have shifted. 
• You pay attention to the desires that whisper rather than shout. 
• You remember the strengths that come naturally to you, especially the ones you haven’t allowed yourself to name.
  
  

This stage of identity work prepares the ground for purpose to take shape. It creates the internal clarity that allows you to sense direction without forcing it.

Concepts like dharma and ikigai can help during this time. They offer a way of seeing your gifts, motivations, and contribution through a wider lens. Instead of searching for the one perfect path, you begin to piece together patterns. 

• What do you enjoy? 
• What are you good at? 
• What feels meaningful to offer? 
• Where does your life naturally pull you? 
  
  

These concepts do not give you an answer as much as they give you an orientation, which is exactly what people need when they feel lost.

Purpose often emerges through alignment, not effort. 

• You begin to gain clarity when your identity, values, and behavior start to move in the same direction. 
• You set intentions that reflect what matters now. 
• You place your attention on the choices that support those intentions. 
• You release the pressure to force an outcome and allow space for timing, intuition, and support. 
  
  

This kind of alignment creates the conditions where purpose can grow steadily and sustainably, rather than in a burst of urgency.

Eventually, purpose becomes something you embody through action. You start making decisions as the person you are becoming rather than the person you have been. You practice living your values in small, tangible ways. Each action reinforces your identity, which in turn gives you more clarity about your direction. Purpose becomes less of a destination and more of a pattern that shapes your days.

If you are in a season where you feel lost, nothing is broken. You are in an identity transition, and those transitions take time. Purpose becomes visible when you become visible to yourself again. When your nervous system settles. When your values realign. When your choices begin to reflect what feels true rather than what feels required.

If this is where you find yourself now, know that you are standing in fertile ground. This is just one pillar of my Alchemi© framework which sits inside The Self-Help Me community and course which were designed to guide you through this exact process of understanding who you are, clarifying what aligns with you, and embodying the version of yourself who can step into purpose with steadiness and self-trust.